Some Probably Too Serious Thoughts About Professional Wrestling
Last night, the WWE held its twenty-seventh annual Royal Rumble event. Generally, the Royal Rumble is my favorite PPV of the year, even more so than WrestleMania. This year, I, like Mick Foley and many others on the Internet, was left furious by the end of the show.
Before the Rumble I had predicted that Batista would win the Rumble, because they were definitely, obviously leading to that. But then watching the event and hearing a crowd that, on some level, believed a Daniel Bryan win was possible, I got to realize how shitty and cynical my thinking was. Any booker with half a brain would know how amazing it would have been to see Bryan come in it at 30 and win. And how exciting it would have made WrestleMania. And how it would go down in history as one of the greatest swerves of all time. And then I realized that there’s no reason - here’s my point, dude, there’s no fucking reason we shouldn’t expect them to understand that. Just because the WWE has been shitty and disappointing recently doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fucking hold them to a higher standard. They have a chance to make great art and it would be so easy for them to do so! They have thousands of people screaming at them, telling them how at least three times a week and we should be pissed off that they aren’t listening!
(By the way, if you change “WWE” to “American government” and “Daniel Bryan winning the Royal Rumble” to “world peace” or “gay rights” or “closing the massive gap in income inequality” then this is both a super inspiring speech and a glowing example of how frivolous my interests are)